Pokémon GO Review – The Big Issue (part 1/16)

I’m not like other video game reviewers. If I’m going to review something I need to play it to its full over many days and weeks, learning and mastering all mechanics of the game before feeling capable to give it my opinion. But there have been so many updates and changes to the game that it’s becoming very difficult to get a gist before they change it all again. So I’m throwing my review in to the hat extremely early so that I can stay relevant to the discussion and still have a lot to say.

Let’s address the biggest question, should you play Pokémon go? The answer is no, not because it’s a bad game, but because it only became good once everyone else stopped playing it. The dramatically reduced player base really helps the game so much.

No longer do you need to  walk for an hour to encounter one measly Pokémon, in fact there are three spawn locations right on top of my house which I can catch daily just because Pokémon go knows I will be there to catch them.

Believe it or not GO always wanted to place Pokémon near you. It was just that everyone else wasn’t where you were. Now because Pokémon GO stalks you daily, knows you’re every movement and routine that they can finally give you the Pokémon you desperately want! Just today I caught 20 Pokémon while walking in a fairly urban area, and I’m sure I would be amazed to see how a lure would work in this day and age!

So this was everyone’s main criticism. It’s now solved! Also I don’t have to worry about pokéstops because I walk past one every day while walking to school. Yes I play Pokémon GO on the way to school as well, because I’m sure not going to go on a walk just to play the game! No that would be a complete waste of time!

But a huge detractor towards playing the game is the stigma when other people see you playing it. People might be shocked or annoyed at you that you play such an old and unused game! How humiliating!

I’m going to be honest here. Since the game got out I have never been caught playing the game by anyone except for my friends. Here’s how I do it.

  1. Hold the phone like you’re sending a text. The classic mistake with Pokémon GO players is the one hand close to the chest in a low hand position. It’s obvious what you’re doing. People never bat an eye when you’re sending a text so just act like your sending one.
  2. Set the brightness to as low as possible. The brightness is the reason why so many people see it! In reality if you have seriously low brightness most people who look won’t even know! But how will you see? It’s not actually that difficult because you don’t need to see a lot, all you need to do is make out a tiny shape. I also mean to set it to as low as possible while you can still see a little bit of it.
  3. Just put it away or hide it when in doubt! It’s not uncommon for people to hide their phone while messaging someone, so just do that. I often flip the cover back on or put it in my pocket. It’s very simple really.

And there you go with that in mind you will become a Pokémon Go master champion like yours truly.

I hope you enjoyed part one of this review. Join me in part two when I talk about my sick Pokémon named Charlon!

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