I recently passed a milestone in the number of posts that I’ve written on my blog (no spoilers for what that milestone was yet – if you really want to know go to my Twitter) so I’ve been looking back across everything I’ve written to compile posts that I really liked the most into a top ten list.
But as I did it I found that I had way too many favorites and it was a bit unfair. Some posts are what I call passion projects in my head – even though this entire blog is one huge passion project. These projects have a huge amount more effort and time put into them so I didn’t really think it was fair to compare them. Also I make a lot of personal posts which are irrelevant (or have little to do with the actual anime they’re discussing) and I wanted to put them separately too because they’re so different. So expect three posts about that coming soon(ish).
But now I want to talk about the sad thing about going back though your posts, which is seeing all of your failures.
I like to publish everything I write (with very little exceptions) because even if it’s bad I like having the idea out there or just anything to say “I thought about this at this time even if the thought sucked” but those posts get put in the same place as the stuff I’m really proud of and people can’t tell the difference before clicking on it.
Anyway not every idea always turns out the best way, particularly if you’re just not feeling it at all. So as I’m going back reading through every single post I’ve ever written I can’t help but feel sad about the ideas that I really wanted to be good but didn’t know how.
Posts that I spent a long time brooding over and looking for ways to improve and change, or trying to think of things to say. The recent Barefoot Gen movie review was another thing like that. I just felt like I could have said more and it’s annoying. That film felt so huge and impactful to me however I couldn’t express it very well. Likely because I tried so hard to avoid spoilers and political situations. An approach of going through the film minute by minute would have suited it much better in retrospect (which is something that I can still do but still).
As well as that you just have things that you know are stupid but try to salvage them anyway, it’s what I tried to do with an anime piracy post I made, where I talked about how cool pirates were in anime. The joke was that I didn’t understand that when people were against piracy they didn’t mean pirate stories in anime. I felt terrible at the time and it didn’t come off nearly like I wanted it too – thankfully it got abysmal views but still.
And oh god how could I forget the ADB – and trying desperately for all my might to try and think of another thing to say about this show I’d seen two years ago and forgot pretty much everything about. Or a show I saw so long ago that I can’t even think of why I even liked it at the time. It feels bad.
I had no real point for making this post. It was just to talk about how much it sucks in this situation and that you still have a lot to improve on even after writing for so long. It’s sort of opening up a forum for discussion about how bad that feeling is and what can be done to get past it. If you’re interested, tell me your thoughts.