I Wear Christian T-Shirts|World of A Neutral God| New Testament Worse than Old|Afterlife|Deathbed Conversions

It’s been a while since I made a blog post, so I thought I’d make a simple post about what I’m thinking about right now. The issue is, that you can always make time for things that you like, unfortunately blogging doesn’t fall into one of these things. Not that I don’t like blogging, I do like it, and will still continue, I just like it less than other things I could be doing.

However I do like to keep you updated slightly. University is a lot of fun, I’m going to a society every day, so that combined with still diligently studying Chinese and keeping up with my studies has made it so my free time is limited. Something has to go.

Anyway why do I still wear my old Christian T Shirts? Well I like them, so that’s it. They also aren’t necessarily about God exclusively. Like I have one shirt with the word “SOUL” on the front, though that’s not an idea I believe in, it’s not like Christianity has exclusive rights to it.

Also to be honest most people I know already know I’m not a Christian so it doesn’t matter so much.

It reminds me of something that a friend said about a popular children’s film in the UK called the chronicles of Narnia. The story of the lion aslan, blatantly and obviously to me represented the story of Jesus. However I’ve met people who had no idea that it was the case, it passed them by. That’s kind of what I hope my T Shirts to also be like.

There is also an element that I’m still pretending to my parents that I’m christian, meaning it would look strange to throw them away, and if I’m keeping them, may as well wear them right?

When I was a Christian myself I was also blatantly elitist about my religion. Often when I met someone new who was a Christian I would always think, oh, they don’t take it seriously at all, or they’re not true Christians. Because there are Christians out there who don’t take their faith seriously. So at the very worst, I think that’s how I would come across.

In fact, for so many young Christians in the UK you could not tell the difference between the religious and the non-religious. So it’s also useful to start those kinds of conversations if people are interested.

One thing it is not is to try and trick people (I guess except my parents) if people would ask (so far nobody has) I would say no.

I’ve actually stopped saying that I used to be a christian, because it always begs the question “why?” – instead I now say that I don’t really believe, and only when prompted say that I used to be, and even then I simply reply with “I didn’t think he was real” and only continue that conversation from there with someone who actually wants it.

Maybe wearing the T shirts are a bad idea, but I just want too, and I’m allowed too, so I guess I can. It is really strange though. I’ve convinced myself to wear them much less by writing this now.


I’ve been thinking about a question that I have for believers, and that is “What would you expect the world of a neutral god to look like?” – as if to ask, if this is what you believe to be the world of an all loving God, what would one of a neutral God be like?

Because it’s my opinion, that if there is a God, he would most likely be neutral, one where he started everything, took a step back and walk away.

I think the common response from religious would be one where nothing existed at all, or one without life, as a neutral God wouldn’t care to create it.

But if we’re already going so far into ideas of the extreme then it’s not impossible to think of an neutral God that could create things, and did create something. What would that world look like, how would it be different?

Because the laws of physics show that a universe coming from absolutely nothing is possible (read a universe from nothing) and from there, nearly everything is accounted for. The only mystery we have not solved since the big bang is the origins of life, though we do have many theories, it’s still unfair to rule God out since God is still a hypothesis. One that every single time it’s been tested has never proven true however, but that doesn’t mean it’s proven to be incorrect, just unlikely.

Does it bother me that we don’t know these things about the universe? Of course it does! But that’s why we have science to figure this out. Yes while God may solve the problem to you, it cannot be a good enough explanation to me, and I see no good reason to believe it’s correct. Not to mention the fact that if life is so amazingly complex that it needed a God to create it, how much more complex is the thing that led to the origin to a God in the first place? It’s only taking steps back scientifically.

Anyway, back to my original point. 99.999…9% of the universe is completely inhabitable to human life. Space is so large and vast that even if the chances of life to occur on one individual planet were as low as one in a billion, there is still a really high chance of life to have occurred.

Then you have to look at religions, which all look the same, and all get the same silent treatment, and get the same coincidental prayer answers, and all have the exact same effect while doing the same kind of rituals. When one religion is indistinguishable in it’s success and effectiveness from another, it’s easy to see that this God, whoever he is, is very good at hiding.

Like when the most popular religions of the world have billions or members into the hundred millions, it’s easy to see just how easy it is for the human brain to feel like a God is real and they can communicate with it. If any belief system is correct, it means the vast majority of people are in the wrong. It’s easy to feel like a God is real, especially if you’ve been told about him your entire life and then everyone around you also believes.

It’s easy to be fooled and it’s easy to be wrong. The entire number of religions out there proves that, as each one of them claims the other to be wrong, yet while still being in the vast minority.

Then there is also the problem of evil, which makes me feel like a neutral God is more likely.


But here’s the reverse. What would I expect the world of an all loving god to look like?

Well not the depiction of constant worship of heaven in the bible, and certainly not the world we live in today. But I also don’t think that it’s the idea of an eternal paradise where everything is exactly as you would prefer.

I would essentially see it as thus. A world where we are all born into heaven instantly, and never have to live with the threat of eternal suffering after death. In fact any God offering eternal suffering after death simply for not believing in him, when absolutely no good evidence has been supplied, he is by definition not all loving.

Then because we are all individuals it would have to be some kind of shared space which is catered to everyone. Like nobody wants to live in heaven with people who have been created specifically to make your heaven good, as you would be taking away from their heaven, and the people wouldn’t really be real.

Yet you would also want it to be like everything you want. So a kind of compromise would have to be made, I suppose with the option of going to your own special place with fake people just to be inclusive.

I personally don’t think that my life in heaven would really be much different than it is today. I reckon it would be mostly the same, however with a lot more of the highlights happening more often and none of the bad things. But even then I’m unsure if that would be the case, as whatever is rare has the most value.

My opinion is that if there is an all loving god, then he would know exactly what you would like and enjoy the most and be able to provide that to you in the best way possible. Not what we have now.

The very idea of a hell next to the image of an all loving God is just absurd to me, as well as having a test as the prerequisite to eternal happiness.

To be honest a society following the laws of the bible could never be a heaven to me. Not because I want to sin, but because the bible has justified some insanely nasty things incompatible with a good society. Like slavery, or original sin.


I’m starting to think that the new testament is worse than the old testament. Essentially because all of the crimes of the old testament are finite, yet the ones in the new could be infinite.

If you were to die in the times of the old testament, then you would more or less be ok after you died. There may not have been an afterlife but you would not be tortured eternally.

However in the new testament it’s more of a different story. Hell is vastly worse than anything in the old testament, and so is original sin. The very idea that your born sick and commanded to be well or you will be tortured forever is frankly disgusting.

As well as that, the concept of second hand sacrifice also isn’t a great idea. Due to Jesus, someone like Hitler, who was catholic, could repent before death and find his way to heaven. Yet Anne Frank would not be there as she was a jew and didn’t believe in Jesus.

The whole problem with the new testament, is that it creates a massive problem to solve in the first place, and their solution (Jesus) only works for those who are Christians and everyone else is just fucked. It’s a problem that the new testament invented yet couldn’t even solve correctly.

The vast majority of people on the planet are not Christian, so heaven is going to be quite empty if it’s true.

Also, even as a Christian I myself doubted that I would get into heaven, as they talked so much about what you needed to do to get into heaven. Yes they didn’t talk about hell very much, but the idea of “will I or won’t I get into heaven” seemed prevalent, meaning the alternative is hell, or nothing, neither are particularly preferable.


I used to think that if there is a God, you will know about it the instant after you die. But that’s not necessarily true. If there is a deistic truly enlightened God then I see no reason why he would create an afterlife at all. So even if you did die, and life did not continue, then that still would not disprove God.

Of course immediately finding yourself in hell would prove a God, at least sufficiently to me, as would finding myself in heaven still.

But if you find nothing after death (obviously you wouldn’t be conscious to realise however if you could) it still wouldn’t prove anything.


I think there is a high chance that I will pretend to convert to Christianity. If I am on my death bed and know I will die soon, and the people surrounding me are Christian, I have no doubts what so ever that I will pretend to convert, just to make them feel happier about my death.

The idea of somebody you care about being in hell is never a happy thought to anyone, so I wouldn’t want people to feel sad about the idea that I would be there.

This is part of the reason why I think there are so many deathbed conversions. I don’t doubt for a second that a lot are genuine, but I think it would be silly to assume that all of them are true. If you do think that they are all true, then allow me to prove you wrong when I get there!

People also speak of stories of prominent athiests converting to Christianity after they died. My answer to this argument, is so what? What persuaded them? I want to know. Just because somebody else converted doesn’t mean that I can immediately follow, especially if they haven’t explained their side of the argument.

This however comes with problems, because as for believers, it validates their position. So this is why I’m writing this down now.

Perhaps in the future I will write on my will to read all the religious posts on this blog 5 years later, however perhaps that would give the game away, or just be kind of a dick move.

But I would like to have this here in preparation for when the worst inevitably occurs. People can look at this and say, this is a likely reason for his conversion.


What did you think of this post format? Essentially I had a lot of ideas that were too short to put in one post, so I thought I’d write a big one about a collection of topics.

What did you think of the format?

What did you think of my ideas?

10 thoughts on “I Wear Christian T-Shirts|World of A Neutral God| New Testament Worse than Old|Afterlife|Deathbed Conversions

  1. You’re fine, I enjoy our discussions. And funny, about an hour ago I read Proverbs chapter 8, which to me is loud and clear, the voice of God crying out through and to all of creation. For one example, this morning, a beautifully singing bird repeatedly singing his song above the hustle and bustle of town activity.

    As for you chosing to leave and/or disbelieve God, I did that too. My guess is that he’ll let you go, yet still seek you. It’s a common bible theme.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t feel this way because evolution is well understood. It’s not Gods creation but the natural bi-product of natural selection. I don’t deny its beauty, but it’s extremely well understood how it occurs naturally without any God at all.

      For me it wasn’t a choice, I just couldn’t believe anymore even if I wanted to. It sounds like that’s what happened to you, would you mind explaining what brought you back to God?

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        1. I’m sorry to hear you’ve faced such a traumatic experience, really sorry about that. I can see why that would be something you would want to do, it sounds like a good decision to me.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. To me, a neutral god is polar opposite to the Lord God. He describes himself colorfully, for example Isaiah 45:5-8.

    I am the LORD, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me,
    so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting men may know there is none besides me. I am the LORD, and there is no other.
    I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things.
    “You heavens above, rain down righteousness; let the clouds shower it down. Let the earth open wide, let salvation spring up, let righteousness grow with it; I, the LORD, have created it.

    To me, God makes himself known in increments according to my reception and obedience towards him.

    ‘If you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.’ Then in Jeremiah he says, ‘And I will give them a heart to know me.’

    Liked by 1 person

    1. In my opinion, in the world of an interactive God, words don’t speak louder than actions.

      We understand what light is and how it’s created, and we understand that the absence of it is darkness. Nearly everyone in the world reaches prosperity through hard work and commitment (or that of their parents), not magical God money packets, and we know how natural disasters happen naturally. We have natural evidence for all of these things, and in a world where the supernatural hasn’t been proven, believing the natural is much more likely to be correct.

      With this amazing research, and understanding of the world, it seems unfair to say that God is doing this. Even miracles with a 1 in a million chance are happening all the time because there are billions of people on the earth so we would expect to see many things like this.

      We know that it is possible for two people of completely different religions to feel like they have a close personal relationship with God, even if both religions say that they are the only true religion. This means that although we may not know if any individual religion is right or wrong, we do know that delusions of a relationship with God is commonplace due to the fact that regardless of which religion is right, the vast majority of people are incorrect.

      So to me, if we already know that most people are incorrect about their relationship with God, the more natural explanation is that nobody has one.

      This is what I mean by the world of a neutral God. In the world of an active God, I would already know about him because he wouldn’t need other people to speak on his behalf, and the world would be better, much more inhabitable to life, and I would feel like I had a relationship with him in the same way that I do with my other friends. You wouldn’t be able to have the same experience as me where after 18 years of knowing each other, you felt like he didn’t actually exist.

      “Seek and you shall find” sounds nice, but I did seek for many many years, and did not find. Is it fair to blame me for not seeking with enough heart and soul?

      If God says he wants a relationship with you, then I can’t explain how I didn’t, unless he doesn’t exist.

      This is not trying to say I was angry with God, more that after so long, I thought this was just the better explanation.

      Thank your discussions with me, it means a lot that you would read my other posts as well.

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      1. Right. Actions come from the heart, ‘from within, out of the heart of men comes evil..’ (Mk 7), ‘You must be born again (of God’). Even good actions done apart from God are evil to him because the human heart (me), is dead. Therefore, “born again.”

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        1. Why must I be born again? You also assumed that I wasn’t born again before converting. I was, (well the English equivalent) and nothing was different.

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          1. Okay, now I’ve heard you say you were born again. Don’t think I’ve read that yet in your writings. Okay so now you decided against your new birth. I really don’t know what to say from here except you can turn back to him, start over.

            My guess is that God will not let you go. “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” Do you hear him? Of course not audibly, but if you’re his child, you will understand he lives and is seeking you.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. It’s the British equivalent which isn’t quite the same. It’s not so much as a rebirth, but dedicating everything in your current birth to Jesus, giving your life to him. I’ve only heard of Americans ever being reborn again, so I think the culture is different.

              That’s what I was told as well. Now that I’ve done this, there is no way that God will let me go, he can’t even if he wanted to is what I was told.

              I actually reconfirmed this many times, year after year, mainly because I felt like nothing had changed, so it must not have counted the first time.

              At the time I would never claim to hear him, and I really didn’t get on well with the bible so all I had was prayer mostly. But he did seem to answer my prayers with miracles, so to that extent I heard him.

              But the miracles were very natural, and seemed to occur at the rate of things that would just happen anyway. Nothing really impressive happened. And with miracles of 1 in a million chance, well that happens to many people every day because there are billions of people – it’s what we would expect to see. I’m happy to explain a few of these if you would like. I have been very lucky in life, so none of them are majorly emotional or life-changing as I had a good life from the start.

              I think it’s very possible to change your mind. So even though I believed that when I was a teenager, it’s not something I still believe. He was never with you in the first place if you think he doesn’t exist, so that means I also think he’s not seeking me.

              To make things simpler for me. I sort of responded to everything in this comment, so apologies if you felt I was just trying to end the conversation in the last one.

              Thanks!

              Liked by 1 person

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