Its interesting the ways that religion’s routes can have long lasting consequences over you.
I count myself lucky that my deconversion was so simple, with my faith in all things Christian slowly diminishing in every possible way over time. Starting with simple observations such as prayer working at the same rate as chance, and things that would happen anyway to stories that were obviously false, finally ending with finding faults in my own miracles that I saw, and the historical unreliability of the story of Jesus.
So by the time it came to deconversion, it was more a matter of crossing a small bridge, rather than climbing a mountain. Rarther simple and painless. I suppose continuing to this day, as I learn more about Christianity than I ever could have done when I was a member.
But despite knowing all of its wrongs and problems, it can still take hold of you emotionally. Recently I’ve found this happening to me. And I don’t believe that its something that you can recover from as easilly as reading a sentence debunking it.
I’m fortunate to have only been in the religion for 18 years, over much longer periods of time I can easily see it being worse. For most people this emotional torment is hell, however for me it only makes me more confident that God doesn’t exist, as the all loving vision of God is incompatable with the concept.
Though the subject happens frequently, its often taboo to talk about. However this is my blog, and when my brain is completely empty you get nothing, and when I have something to say I say it.
This God Christianity has. It created the entire universe, consisting of trillions of galaxies and solar systems, yet decided to put life on just one. But more than that, just one planet, one of the smallest, and not even in its entirety.
Out of all the possible places in the world he could have decided to appear to, he appeared to the most cut throat tribe of desert dwelling hebrews, of which later no archeological evidence could be found.
Then proceding from this tribe, he would later use his all powerfulness, and wisdom, as all part of his master plan to create a world where 30% of people can be saved.
Essentially Yahweh cares about very specific things. One specific minor group of people making up a negligable amount of the entire universe. And of these people, he particularly cares about what they do while naked.
He gives abundantly clear rules and guidelines about what you cannot do with your own body.
It is wrong. What goes on in the bedroom between concenting adults is, and can only be they’re business. No Gods allowed.
I feel like I should explain this more, but in everyway I look at it, it just seems entirely fucking obvious.
Nobody can claim overship over anybodys life or body, and everyone has the freedom to do what they want with it.
This doesn’t mean you can’t give advice, or ask questions. Just that maybe you shouldn’t torture someone forever over something that you have zero rights to control.
Christianity gives a strong message of no sex before marriage, and no masturbation. Since I always went to church every week and often volunteered to do other things, this message was drilled into my head quite a lot, so ridiculously far.
In fact some of my first exposures to these things was through Christianity.
Over time it has a way of changing how you think and behave, altering how you percieve perfectly natural and good acts as disgusting and evil.
Essentially, you can moan all you like about it, but you have no business trying to prise your nose into the closed doors of consenting adults. Regardless of whether you say your just trying to help or not.
But here’s the problem, Christians don’t see it like that. It’s not tucked away like those verses on slavery, homophobia or anti-feminism but proudly, and commonly talked about to the point that everybody knows about it.
And I’m not sure if its worse that it teaches these messages, or that it can be regarded by so many people as having the authority to do so.
These things were known, said, and taught to me as a Christian, and I never once thought “Who the fuck are you to tell me to act like this?”
But of course, from the Christian perspective, that question has an answer. The all loving creator who knows everything, is good and has a perfect special plan just for you, unless you don’t do what he says, and then your sent to hell.
And that’s the primary fear. Fear of hell, rejection, not just by God but from other people who know what you’ve done. Its the kind of thing that can, and did stick in to me. And even years later it still does.
I would never say its a good idea to repress sexuality. When it happens it can lead to strange people, strange consequences and potentially disasturous results.
If god really did create you, then these thoughts, feelings, wants and desires are perfectly natural and perfectly normal. Actually thats true God or not.
Anything that tries to make you ashamed and fearful of who you are, and what you want to do naturally, can never be called a positive impact on your life.
Take it from me, these consequences can be long lasting, difficult, and painful to heal from. And its probably the worst aspect of religion that people rarely talk about. Only because the subject is taboo, and people are too reluctant to open up about it.
Obviously I wouldn’t be talking about this if this didn’t affect me. And I honestly didn’t apprechiate these negative feelings every time I masturbated as I was leaving Christianity. And today I don’t apprechiate having those feelings even stronger every time I have sex with my girlfriend.
Its not a positive thing for anyone to have, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I apprechiate that this has probably been a strange read. But religion can cause horrific long term damage in majorly disgusting ways. I think its important that we don’t forget that.